1-51) Sometimes Blondes Are No Fun

“Oh man. Finally!” I sighed as I sat down on the couch, pulling off my heels.

“Coffee?” Blaine asked, I nodded gratefully, while attempting to rub my own shoulders as he left the living room. Why my shoulders ached from standing around singing all night was beyond me. We had just gotten home from a performance at the club.

Blaine came back with two mugs, steaming contents inside, handing me one.

“Hmm” I moaned contently, eyes closed for a moment.

“Just what the doctor ordered, huh?” he smiled at me, knowing my love for good strong coffee and lots of it.

“Hot and strong, just how I prefer my husbands…” I grinned at him, winking.

As expected, Blaine put down his cup, grabbed mine to join his on the table and pinned me to the couch.

“Is that so? I’ll just ignore the fact this was plural and take it as a compliment and an invite…”

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We engaged in the usual affections, when somebody banged on the front door while ringing the doorbell. The living room was right at the entrance so it was pretty loud.

Blaine kept kissing on me, pushing against my attempt to sit up, when more ringing and banging happened. Suddenly we heard loud knocks on the glass, triggering us both to look up.

“You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!” Blaine hissed sitting up. There was Ezio at the window of the living room, peeking in and gesturing to the door.

“Maybe something with Mel? I’ll deal with him.” I said worried while getting up. “Probably better if you do, I’ll get Liam.” Blaine growled, our son had awoken and was crying.

“About time!” Ezio barked while walking past me and straight into the living room after I opened the door, where he sat down, shaking his head.

“Excuse me?! Where the hell are your manners? And good morning to you as well!” I was upset now too.

Ezio looked at me, puzzled “What’s with you? Oh, because I interrupted your little private moment? We both know there’ll be more of that. Lots more, including at MY house. Which leads me to why I am here. What is with my wife?”

“You mean other than that poor girl is married to your ugly old ass?” Blaine was walking in now.

“Can you just stay out of it when adults talk?” Ezio stood up and measured Blaine up.

“HEY! You two, no! Absolutely no! I am in no mood to deal with this shit now! You – fetch coffee, and you – plant your butt back down or get the hell out of my house!” I was upset. Funnily, both men did what I asked without another word.

Once we all sat, all with coffee in our hands, silence fell. I was annoyed by that too.

“So, why are you here Ezio? The way you behaved, it better be important!” this time I was the one growly, took a sip of coffee awaiting enlightenment.

“I am not going to beat around the bush. I think my marriage is in trouble.” Ezio stated plainly.

I nearly suffocated on my coffee, looked at Ezio, who looked dead serious and stiff, then at Blaine, even he wasn’t smirking, but seemed concerned.

“What?” was all I could get out. If I still had a heartbeat, it would have stopped by now.

Ezio just sat there, looking at his hands. That may be an understandable reaction for most, but not him. I had known him for upwards of 20 years now. Ezio always appeared strong, invincible, in control of any situation and always composed unless you really landed a good verbal punch where he would show his Italian temper. Briefly.

“Ezio, care to elaborate? I have seen people read the weather forecast with more emotion. You cannot just waltz in here and drop a bomb like that!” I tried.

Blaine still just sat there, sipping coffee, no smartass remark, no grin. Also not normal behavior for him.

“It’s that chick, a blonde, right?” he asked now.

“What chick?” Ezio looked at him. I didn’t understand a word either.

“Sorry. I may have taken a brief stroll through Mel’s mind while over for the drink fest with Jessica yesterday. Just wanted to make sure we are not getting her mad with the drinking and the staying so long. But all that was in there was some blonde chick … do we know one?” Blaine asked. Still no grin.

“None come to mind … except Viv and me … but .. nah..” I was thinking out aloud.

“She said something odd to me about me preferring blondes too? I didn’t get it. Do you think she thinks you and I …?” Ezio looked at me directly, and I decided to not take the grimace that followed Ezio’s words personal.

“Nope.” Blaine stated. When we both looked at him he continued.

“Because she was going back and forth about whether or not to talk to Vik about that blonde. So … I doubt she wants to talk to you about … you … not like this anyway. Unless of course years of marriage with you have made Mel go insane. That WOULD be a very logical explanation. Poor girl.” Blaine grinned.

“At least YOU think you’re funny, you punk.” Ezio rolled his eyes, but I could see the wheels turning. “We don’t know any blondes either, at least none she would worry about. Her nail lady is a blonde, but I have only seen that one once …. Hmmm… blonde, blonde … maybe someone at the restaurant? But we haven’t been out on a date in a long time. Oh, you think THAT could be it?! But what does that have to do with any blondes … women just never made sense to me .. oh, I forgot the best part. We had a fight not long before I came over. About her suddenly wanting me to bite her!”

“I always think ‘bite me’ when you’re around, so what’s the deal?” Blaine smirked, the comment acknowledged by an angry side glance from Ezio.

“Maybe polishing your ugly visage could get me to feel better!” he growled.

“Only if both of you want to deal with me!” I snapped at Ezio directly, while addressing both.

“Don’t get that one mad. Not as fun as you’d think.” Blaine grinned.

Ezio said nothing but gave him a certain look.

“She wants you to bite her? Like love nibble, small drink bite or like turn into vampire bite?” I asked Ezio.

“That baby there could not turn a mouse into a vampire. Too low on totem pole, aww, so sad.” Blaine instigated for reasons unknown.

Ezio inhaled deeply, but said nothing, much to my delight.

“I don’t know, Viktoria. I would assume the small bite. Maybe to see what it is like? But she has been mortified by my fangs until now, and she is still on a war path with this vampire thing, so this makes no sense.” Ezio mused.

“Then that would be it. When do women ever make sense?” Blaine smirked at me. I flipped him off, which made him grin bigger, blowing me a kiss.

“I should have come here when you are not home!” Ezio growled at Blaine, who raised his eyebrow.

“Good luck with that.”

“Did you ask her?” I addressed Ezio, still contemplating the problem.

“Ask whom what?”


“Oh, Melissa? No, there was really no open floor for that. She was tipsy and upset.”

“So go home and ask her straight up.”

“Vik, he cannot ask her about a blonde she has not brought up to him yet.” Blaine interjected.

“Why not? So you don’t get in trouble? Too late for that, babe, shoulda thought about that before sticking that nose where it don’t belong!” I told him.

“No, he’s right. I cannot just fall into the problem like a ton of bricks.”

“Fine, I’ll call her then.” I picked up my phone and both men jumped up to stop me. I was faster and put the hand holding the phone behind my back.

“What the heck is with you two?”

“Vik, really don’t. You’ll get the Mafioso in trouble and me too, and she may be mad at you too if you know about it before she was ready for you to know.” Blaine pleaded.

“So I am to sit here, let both of my friends suffer, and pretend to know nothing?” I sounded as appalled as I was.

“YES!” was the chorus response.




“All righty, where were we?” Blaine embraced me tightly, kissing me, after Ezio had left.

“How can you even think about that right now?”

“Without great difficulty…” he kissed my neck.

“Blaine … our friends are miserable …”

“So? No help to them if we are too.” he picked me up and carried me towards the marital bed. Just as he placed me down and was unzipping his jeans, there was banging at the door and ringing again. Liam stirred and started crying instantly.

“What the flying FUCK!?” Blaine was hot, zipping up his pants and headed to the door. We both just knew it was Ezio again, while I dealt with our son. Out of curiosity and to prevent some vampiric dueling I took Liam with me to the hallway where both men were now. Blaine glancing angrily at Ezio, who passed Blaine by when he saw me and came straight to me.

“Oh, good, you are still up. I have to talk to you!” Ezio stated with great urgency, then turning to Blaine “you too! Let’s go to the living room again!” Ezio suggested while taking Liam from me, planting a kiss on his forehead while leading the way. Blaine looked as surprised at me, before gesturing me to go first.

“So, you ole meatball, thanks for the invite to my own living room. Can I offer myself something to drink? Just need to know if it is coffee again or better something stronger?” Blaine asked sarcastically.

“Stronger. Much stronger! Much much stronger!” Ezio ignored the sting in Blaine’s voice.

“Oh man, I cannot wait for what comes next….” Blaine sighed.




“Ok … that is a problem that is easily fixed. She wants to wrap you around her finger for the chase. So let her.” Blaine stated, smiling pleased at himself while leaning back into the couch.

“HUH?!” I made, bewildered.

“Not for realz of course. I am not telling you to cheat on your wife. Just act as if you are interested, play into her flirting a bit, then lure her to a good location where Vik and I will wait. Bam!”

“Bam and then what, hubby dearest?”

“We’ll get rid of her ass. Tada.”

“No!” Ezio interjected.

“What no? Bitch was in your home, uninvited, which as you should know, is an ABSOLUTE NO-NO among vampires. She broke code. Needs punishing. Plus, she already annoyed the fuck out of me by sending YOU over here twice in one day. One hour even, I think. Needs to go.” Blaine wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Blaine, no. We do not stoop down to that level. We need to do something, but not that drastic. Like … lock her up.”

“She is a vampire. Older than me. We cannot lock her up. She’d pull a Blaine and poof, gone.” Ezio interjected.


“Caleb.” Blaine stated.


“Caleb can help. He has this way to affix vamps, some magic or whatever, he does not want to tell me how, but I know he can do it and I cannot break free. So she won’t either. And he has places to put nuisance vamps. I’ll call him.” Blaine got up and left the room.

Please see the talented  writer blog MaidenLissaStories for the continuation to this story.



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